i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
