The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
