I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
