I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
