Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
