There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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