saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
are you so shy because you have an std?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
