the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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