my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
