I just pynch a tree in the face
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Randomize
