You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
