i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize