i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Its about making memories worth repressing
home. puking in laundry basket.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
