I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
