I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
