I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
