we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
