I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
