We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We talked him into tasing himself.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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