he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You left your phone here
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