last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
