she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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