Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
