Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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