Your mouth is God's brothel.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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