Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
