u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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