i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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