Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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