420 ftw
barbara walters just said penis...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
