if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
