Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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