just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
