He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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