my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
