I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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