Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
