i was born a porn star she said
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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