I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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