all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Ladies don't puke and tell
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
