Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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