I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
