Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
