one might say we're banned from that church
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
