i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
