so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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