I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
