Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
