please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
