i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
