I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
