Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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