I cannot find my penis.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
