I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
