the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
