don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
