One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize