Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
