Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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