so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize