Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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