Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
