I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
