WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
