We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
