Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
That accounts for only three of the penises
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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