Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
