Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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