Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
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