I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
