question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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