I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
